The 40 Over 40 Project
Toni Summers,
Age 48
Tell me about yourself and how you feel about being a woman over the age of 40.
"I uncover a path where there is none." I have been described as optimistic, determined and high energy. I have overcome the odds of my childhood and I am in my element when I am learning and mastering something novel and then sharing my new knowledge with others in a way that benefits them.
I am the mother of a beautiful, athletic and comical 17 year old daughter who has been the greatest adventure of my life. I am the wife of an adventure seeking man who has been a stay-at-home dad to our daughter and is now all in on living his dream to become a professional fisherman. I am a career minded woman who is in the 32nd year of a sales career that has brought me lots of exotic travel, great relationships with clients and colleagues and challenging experiences that have grown my skill set in business and in relationships. 40 brought with it the realization that we are all in the process of "becoming" our best selves and it is a process that continues throughout our journey here on Earth. I view myself as a life long learner and the most insightful intrapersonal and relationship learning has come after the age of 40 for me. I now practice what I call radical acceptance in all of my interactions with people and in my relationships. When I say, radical acceptance, what I mean is the practice of accepting people where they are in their own journey and embracing the person they are today, in this moment, rather than judging someone's potential or the decisions they make or the way they choose to live life today. Radical acceptance has allowed me to be free from all judgement of others, it has allowed me to truly listen and validate others when they need it, it has allowed me to love all people freely without conditions and it has brought me more peace than any other practice in my life up to this point. Radical acceptance has taught me how to love myself unconditionally by loving others in a way that is free of conditions.
When do you feel most confident?
My confidence is always heightened when I have learned something new and have mastered the concept enough to share it with others.
How did your painful times give you the gift of resilience?
Growing up in a dysfunctional home with addiction present made me a very resilient child and young adult. Resilience in my youth meant surviving, being tough, and being independent. As I have aged and experienced more painful moments as an adult I have learned that it is acceptable to fall apart and put yourself back together in a different and more beautiful way. Resilience no longer means simply surviving something and gaining strength from it, today resilience also means architecting how I will put my own pieces back together in a way that makes me more kind, more accepting and more loving.
What advice would you give your younger self?
Ironically, if I had been asked before the age of 40 what advice I would give my younger self I could have written a book with all kinds of wisdom, witty quotes, and thoughtful insights. Today, I would simply say love yourself and others without conditions and judgement and you will know what you need to know in the correct moment along your journey.
What would you tell other mature women about stepping out of their comfort zone and doing a photo shoot?
I have to admit I went into this thinking, "Why am I doing this? Why did I say yes to this?" Once we got started, I really enjoyed the challenge of getting outside of my own head while doing the photo shoot and then the process of just taking the time to look at all of my photographs without judgement and without being a critic.