The 40 Over 40 Project
Teresa Taylor,
Age 50
Tell me about yourself and how you feel about being a woman over the age of 40.
In my 40's, I actually felt lost most of the time. Not sure of who I had built myself up to be, and not sure of who I still wanted to become. My kids all had one foot out of the door, my career had shifted significantly and I knew there was so much change and growth before me - I just wasn't sure how to shift into and through it all. It's taken me a lot of years and a good deal of focused work on ME to start to unravel the years of layers, pretending, and masking - and I am not yet entirely through. I turned 50 this year in June, and I spent 30 days celebrating - each and every day in a completely different way. It was an eye-opening experience and one that I challenge everyone to do. Life is way too short to spend time worrying, regretting, and only living to impress others. It is not anyone's job to celebrate you and you owe it to yourself to put YOU first. I feel empowered at this age - and I feel like I am finally coming in to the ME I came here to be.
When do you feel most confident?
There are many areas and experiences in life in which I feel most confident. One is definitely the line of work I do - my career. I have spent more than 20 years in this arena, and have honed so much of what I do into finely tuned skills. I take pride in what I have to give, the teams I lead, and the people I work for and with. I do my best to show up strong, even when I am at my lowest points, and to give everything I can to help those most vulnerable and in need. I feel confident when I am speaking, training and educating - in fact, these things fuel me.
How did your painful times give you the gift of resilience?
When you’re young and something “bad” happens - loss, a heart break, failure, hard financial times, an injured child, hell - a flat tire when you can’t even afford the cost of a repair let alone a new tire - you’re just not yet equipped to understand that THIS IS LIFE. The ebb and flow of ups and downs. The process of learning that pain is indeed involved inside of love. That everything passes - everything. Heart ache. Time. Years. You’re tossed out into the world to “be an adult” but never taught what that means. There is no manual written for life. Zero. It’s a chess game, a game of “pretend”. You go from asking for a hall pass to use the bathroom to being told you’re now old enough to decide upon a career, give your life for wars born of old men with greedy ideas, to voting in elections when you don’t even understand the system by which it was all born.
During my life, I’ve experienced some incredibly hard and painful lessons. I’ve been a victim of abuse, I’ve been surrounded by addiction, and I’ve personally struggled so profoundly that there were times I thought I wouldn’t make it out. I had a child seriously injured. I have worried about where the next meal would come from, and if the rent would be paid. I have felt like a failure. I have let people down. I’ve had my heart crushed, and in the same breath lost what I thought at the time was an amazing relationship and even the place we called home. I’ve broken a few hearts along the way. I know for sure I've made plenty of mistakes. And I’ve learned from them.
I think that's the bottom line - when you know better, do better. When you look up from what feels like the bottom, don't stay there - stand up and move. You can either be your own worst enemy or your best friend, and once you realize that no one is coming to save you, you will learn to save yourself. I look back now at the "hard times" and realize, not all of them were hard, but some were definitely needed."
What advice would you give your younger self?
Don't seek attention - it's not what you think it is. Don't try to fix everything and everyone - that's not your job. Walk away more often, without regret, and WAY more quickly. Say "no" more often. Heal yourself - that power truly is within you. Take care to set good boundaries, and know that all the "broken" inside of another person is not a reflection of you. NOTHING good happens after 10pm. PERIOD. Don't take anything personally. What people say about you has NOTHING to do with you - it's a mere reflection of that person. SEEK JOY in all that you do. Show up - for yourself and for those who need you most. Work is work - don't let it bleed you dry, even when you love what you do. Listen more than you speak - you'll go further, faster. And one final thing - spend your money wisely - the material things will get you nothing but material things.
What would you tell other mature women about stepping out of their comfort zone and doing a photo shoot?
I have never had the experience of a professional photo shoot - and honestly thought this was a little "showy", perhaps narcissistic. But the reality is - this was a treat! A completely different to show up for myself, be pampered, play, and yes, show off just a bit. The entire process was intimidating at first, but as I began to work my way through the wardrobe, the poses, and my reasons "why", I began to see what the photographer could see through her lens - that with my years, has come wrinkles, but also courage, joy, smiles and strength. You will see yourself in a whole new light - and perhaps even come away from the entire experience realizing how magnificent and beautiful you truly are. As women, we often spend a lot of time behind the camera, wearing our work suits, or house clothes, or going so fast that we don't take time to stop - and shine. .... this experience was one I will never forget and I am so grateful to have been invited to participate.