The 40 Over 40 Project
Cindy Whiteaker,
Age 45
Tell me about yourself and how you feel about being a woman over the age of 40.
I wear many hats. Instead of telling you about myself as defined by the hats I wear, I want to tell you about myself as an individual person. I am an extreme extrovert - I draw my energy from being around people - the bigger the crowd, the better! I love to read and set a goal for myself every year to read at least one book per week. I love being outside - kayaking, hiking, riding my bicycle, camping - if it's outside, you'll find me doing it! I love spending time with my kids and husband as well as my tribe of friends. And I love everything about people - hearing their experiences, their stories, their challenges, and their victories. The human experience is amazing and beautiful and I want to hear as much about it as I possibly can! I also have a huge soft spot for animals and currently have 5 dogs - one of which only has 3 legs!
Being over 40 feels very fun and exciting. I'm in better physical health now than I have ever been in my whole life; I'm much more physically active than I have ever been; and I have a much clearer sense of the things that make me happy which I actively seek out. So far, my 40s have been the best decade of my life - wrinkles and grey hair included!
When do you feel most confident?
I come from a long line of strong and independent women. I've also been fortunate to be surrounded by confident people for most of my life. Confidence is a feeling that was instilled in me from the very beginning. Naturally, there have been times that confidence in myself has wavered but it has never fully disappeared. It's always there - sometimes whispering for me to try again tomorrow and sometimes shouting "you go girl!"
How did your painful times give you the gift of resilience?
One of the most painful times of my life was when my husband deployed to Iraq the first time in 2003. Our kids were 4 and 6 at the time and those were some difficult conversations combined with a lot of difficult and scary emotions. I was a young wife and young mother and had never lived on my own before, much less with two small humans dependent on me for life support. Our whole routine had to change and we had to take it one day at a time. Every day that went by got a little easier and a little easier. Eventually we realized we could do it and we could do it well. When painful times come up now, I try to remember "one day at a time".
What advice would you give your younger self?
The advice I would give my younger self (and often try to give to my kids now) is to try not to take so many things personally. When insecurity and unhappiness are given a voice, it sounds an awful lot like criticism. For most of my adult life, I have been told I am intimidating because (fill in the blank with any number of reasons). I spent many years trying to shrink myself so as not to be intimidating to others. A mentor once said to me, "You are not intimidating. They are intimidated. Remember there is a difference."
What would you tell other mature women about stepping out of their comfort zone and doing a photo shoot?
My all-time favorite movie quote is from Bonnie Bramlett's character Maggie McGlone in The Guardian. She says, "Hell, I've always been old Ben. Ya' know what though, I don't mind. I mean if my muscles ache, it's because I've used 'em. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, its 'cuz I walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've laid under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, well cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way thorough a pretty damn good life if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad Ben. Getting old, that's earned." What would I tell other mature women about stepping out of their comfort zone and doing a photo shoot? Do it - you've earned it!